


Leaving the Shield Behind

by BuckyAboveEverything



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Artist Steve Rogers, Identity Porn, Idiots in Love, Insecure Bucky Barnes, Love at First Sight, M/M, Meet-Cute, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Online Friendship, Secret Identity, Writer Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 06:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyAboveEverything/pseuds/BuckyAboveEverything
Summary: “So, on one hand, we have Steve Rogers - hunk, genius, animal lover. Buys you waffles and overpriced coffee. 100% wholesome all-American boy.”“And, on the other hand, we have Capsicle – twink, smart-ass, fanboy. Reads your stories and sends you fanart. Possibly a pervert or a serial killer.”Bucky groaned.“I am 100% certain I am 0% sure of what to do."Bucky Barnes, full-time copywriter and free-time fanfic writer, struggles to choose between two equally-attractive suitors, only to find that he doesn’t have to after all.* Based on a true story *





	Leaving the Shield Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Bucky and Steve exist in the real world and their film counterparts will be referred to as the Sergeant / Winter Soldier / White Wolf and Captain / Captain America / Nomad respectively.
> 
> I went crazy with the references to Parks and Recreation. If you've seen the TV show (and it really is the greatest show of all time), you might find a fair bit of the dialogue very familiar! :D

“So, let’s get this straight, although both your options aren’t.”

 

“They’d better not be.”

 

“You are dumping Steve Rogers, hottest man in New York, apartment owner, waffle supplier, for a stranger you met on the Internet.”

 

“I’m not “dumping” Steve. We aren’t in a relationship.”

 

“But you went to the _Stark Foundation Animal Rescue Gala_ as his date.”

 

That was true.

 

Steve had invited Bucky to the gala, where Bucky met Steve’s friends. They enjoyed cuddling the shelter dogs and Steve, animal lover and philanthropist, went home with Dodger.

 

“And you’ve made out.”

 

That was also true.

 

Steve and Bucky were taking advantage of a buy-one-get-one breakfast offer when Bucky spotted Brock, his ex-boyfriend, entering the diner. Noticing his discomfort, Steve convinced Bucky to kiss him because “public displays of affection made people very uncomfortable” so they locked lips for all of the five minutes it took Brock to place his order and leave.

 

“Tell us about the stalker.”

 

“He’s not a stalker. He’s just read some of my stories.”

 

“And left comments on all of them?”

 

“And made you fanart?”

 

“The stories resonate, I suppose. He might be my soulmate.”

 

“Do you even know his name?”

 

“No,” Bucky admitted. “His pseudonym is ‘Capsicle’.”

 

Sam scoffed.

 

“How do we know Capsicle isn’t a serial murderer?”

 

“He told me he doesn't believe in trading lives.”

 

Natasha rolled her eyes.

 

“So... exactly what a serial murderer would tell their next victim?”

 

“Purely for research purposes, we need to see a picture.”

 

“I don’t have one,” Bucky answered regretfully before brightening up. “Oh, but I found this.”

 

Bucky opened Instagram on his phone, scrolling through posts of art to show Nat and Sam a photograph of some teens dressed as the Avengers. Capsicle was tagged as a tiny blonde with the sweetest smile in a Captain America suit.

 

“Awww.. He is adorable,” Natasha began. “He looks just like pre-serum Captain America.”

 

“Right? Right? Right?” Bucky gushed, flushing with excitement.

 

“He is cute,” Sam admitted grudgingly. “But let me remind us that Steve is a dead ringer for post-serum Captain America, who is widely considered the pinnacle of human perfection.”

 

“Good point,” Natasha chimed.

 

Bucky groaned, wondering how he had landed himself in this situation. He hadn’t been attracted to anyone, not one person, since breaking up with Brock two years ago. Yet, in the span of two days, he'd formed a connection with Capsicle and then he'd met Steve. Bucky had enjoyed getting to know them, both of them. But it was time to make a choice. He couldn't continue to lead them on if he knew what he wanted. He just wished he did.

 

***

 

** Capsicle **

 

Bucky was drawn into the _Avengers_ fandom after the screening of _Iron Man_ ten years ago. Obsessed with the titular superhero, he scoured the Internet for content and found _Archive of Our Own (AO3)_ , a website which housed a small but growing number of fan-written stories.

 

Bucky was encouraged, by the writers he badgered for updates, to write his own. His first story focused on the romance between Iron Man and his female assistant but it was abandoned when he struggled to describe sex scenes due to his limited knowledge and interest in the female anatomy. 

 

Bucky progressed to writing homoerotic fiction following the release of _Thor,_ right around when he had this huge crush on a very affectionate Icelandic exchange student reminding him of the Norse God. It was only when Kristopher introduced him to Elsa, his stunning supermodel girlfriend, that Bucky realised his friendliness was really just that.

 

 _Captain America: The First Avenger_ was screened just two months after. Bucky adored the "little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run from a fight" and was all "ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death". He admired the Sergeant, whose more-than-platonic relationship with the Captain intrigued him. And then, the good Sergeant had to fall off the goddamn train. No, Bucky did not cry. His eyes merely got a bit sweaty from all that action.

 

Bucky mended his heart by writing a series of fix-it fics, extrapolating from the possibility that the Sergeant was found by Hydra after surviving his fall from the train, enhanced and brainwashed into becoming a super assassin. When _Captain America: The Winter Soldier_ was released, his mind blew up, with his stats, as it dawned on him that his personal headcannon had become canon.

 

Outraged by the random kiss between the Captain and Agent 13 in _Captain America: Civil War_ , Bucky wrote a series of smut for what he now referred to as his one-true-pairing. These fics were still widely read and circulated within the fandom, and _Winter is Cumming_ , _I Can Do This All Day_ and _God’s Righteous Hand_  were currently his most popular stories.

 

Despite being a successful writer, very few people knew about Bucky’s hobby and he preferred to keep it that way, having learned the hard way that there was a stigma, wholly unjustified, but a stigma nonetheless, associated with writing fanfiction. Jasper, a college acquaintance, had found his stories while using Bucky’s laptop and circulated his work, causing Bucky to be the subject of mockery and derision.

 

Bucky had been feeling particularly vulnerable, having just come out of the closet. To be labelled “weird” and “sick” was just about more than he could manage. Thankfully, Nat and Sam were there for him. Nat went on an intimidation spree, threatening anyone who harassed Bucky with bodily harm. Sam convinced him to ignore the haters and keep doing what he loved.

 

So, Bucky kept writing. However, he took steps to ensure no one would find out he was behind the keyboard. He used a pseudonym, ‘Bucky’, a childhood nickname that no one in his current social circle, not even Sam and Nat, was aware of. He only wrote in the privacy of his bedroom and kept all his documents password locked and encrypted.

 

Despite them living together, he managed to keep his writing a secret from Brock until he'd printed the wrong document on their home printer one day. The older man scoffed at Bucky’s stories, telling him he would never amount to a serious writer with the “worthless drivel he spewed”. Disheartened by Brock’s disapproval, Bucky stopped. Instead, he tried (half-heartedly) to develop interests in Brock’s hobbies (wrestling, boxing, working out). Regardless of what Bucky did to keep him happy, the older man was a controlling asshole who constantly criticised him, chipping away at the little confidence he had. Bucky knew their relationship was doomed but he clung to it, afraid of being alone. It was only when he found out Brock had been fooling around that it came to an end. Even though Bucky had chosen to leave, the breakup affected him badly. While Bucky was set up on a number of dates, he hadn’t dared to open up to anyone else, opting to retreat behind the walls he had carefully constructed.

 

Bucky went through hell during the screening of _Avengers: Infinity War_ , a film which thrust him into an existential crisis. He returned to writing to seek answers to the questions torturing his mind. And that was how _Leaving the Shield Behind,_ his current work-in-progress, was born. The story revolved around Captain America, now Nomad, struggling to reconcile his public self with his private one. An important aspect of that conflict was his sexuality as he was forced to confront his undeniable attraction to the Sergeant / Winter Soldier / White Wolf. The story was set in Wakanda and was tagged as #slowburn, #mutualpining, #idiotsinlove.

 

 _Leaving the Shield Behind_ received little attention from his regular readers, but Bucky kept going since he was writing for himself. After posting the fifth chapter of the fifty-chapter epic, he began receiving comments from a user named Capsicle, who had become very invested in the story. Bucky wasn't the kind of writer who responded to every comment but felt compelled to reply comprehensively  to the impassioned essays that Capsicle regularly contributed.

 

Out of curiosity, Bucky checked out Capsicle’s profile and found that there were no works listed under his name. He was bewildered one day to receive a notification that Capsicle had gifted one of his works to him.

 

Several seconds and a few clicks later, Bucky found himself staring at a painting of Nomad and the White Wolf watching the sunset, with Nomad’s (Wakandan) shields in the distance.

 

When Bucky finally recovered the possession of his faculties, he spammed the 'kudos' button, exploiting his slow Internet connection to leave kudos five times, ahead of his regular readers  _WarMachineRox_ , _LowKeyLoki_ and _StarSpangledManWithAPlan._  Bucky also followed up with a comment, which he tried to keep coherent and measured.

 

 **Bucky:** _What the actual fuck? You're insanely talented! I love you and can I marry you some day?_

 

He received a reply minutes later.

 

 **Capsicle:** _I’m so happy you like it. Sure, a marriage based on shared interests and world views should work. =)_

 

After the marriage proposal, email addresses were exchanged and the two began following each other on Instagram although there was little personal information to be gleaned from either of their accounts. Capsicle's Instagram was loaded with art pieces while Bucky's account was inundated with Avengers memes and edits.

 

Bucky began sending drafts of _Leaving the Shield Behind_ to his favourite reader, who could always be counted on to offer him helpful and encouraging feedback:

 

**_“What is with your obsession with farming?” Nomad asked, gesturing to the White Wolf’s goats and land. “With your knowledge and skills, you would be outstanding in any field.”_ **

**_“In case you haven't noticed, punk, I am out standing in this field.” _ **

  * **_I have the deepest respect for farmers. And writers too, obviously. Your words are the food for my soul._**



****

**_Nomad stared at a tantalising dish of lamb braised in caramelised onions and concentrated beef stock, complemented by wholesome vegetable pilaf. He took a bite and felt his taste buds unfreeze._ **

  * **_This sounds awesome. I'm definitely trying this someday._**



****

**_Sleeping arrangements were challenging with only one bed. Nomad insisted on sleeping on the floor as beds were too soft for him, but the semi-stable hundred-year-old man protested that that went against local customs. There was no choice. They would have to share._ **

  * **_Bed sharing is the way to speed up a slow burn! I love it!_**



 

Bucky smiled at Capsicle’s comments, pleased that he liked the story's development and thought it was ready for publishing.

 

 **Bucky:** _Hey Cap, thanks for your help. I’ve got so many new readers for Leaving the Shield Behind after you posted that picture. And now, you’re helping me with the editing too. I've added you as a co-creator of Leaving the Shield Behind._

 

 **Capsicle:** _It's such an honour to be part of this amazing work!_

 

Personal phone numbers were exchanged and soon, the two began texting almost every evening.

 

 **Bucky:** _Happy Thorsday! :)_

 

 **Capsicle:** _Happy Thorsday, Bucky! One more day to the weekend. Any plans?_

 

 **Bucky:**   _Probably binge watching the Captain America films for the hundredth time._

 

 **Capsicle:** _Which one is your favourite?_

 

 **Bucky:** _The Winter Soldier. Yours?_

 

 **Capsicle:** _Civil War._

 

 **Bucky:** _That was so good. Liberty versus security, huh? I changed my position on the accords so many times during the film's screening."_

 

 **Capsicle:**  Is that so _? I could have pegged you for being Team Cap._

 

 **Bucky:** _Oh, I am 100% Team Cap. I would do anything for Chris Evans._

 

 **Capsicle:** _He is a looker, but what really gets me going is Sebastian Stan and his thighs!_

 

 **Bucky:** _What a mood. It's so sad what happened to the White Wolf in Infinity War, huh?_

 

 **Capsicle:** _Still waiting for compensation from the film studio._

 

 **Bucky:**   _Thanos sucksss..._

 

 **Capsicle:**   _He's not completely mad though. We are a huge strain on Earth’s resources. His methods may be extreme but on the other end of the spectrum, we've got the Captain, who doesn't "trade lives" even if trading one could have saved half of humanity._

 

 **Bucky:**   _So, you think they should have sacrificed Vision?_

 

 **Capsicle:** _Not even a little bit. I'm 100% with Cap on not trading lives._

 

 **Bucky:** Yes _! Cap may be an stubborn little shit but you've got to admire how he sticks to his principles no matter what._

 

 **Capsicle:** _You know what? Maybe we should watch the films together some day._

 

 **Bucky:** _Yeah, we should. :)_

 

Bucky smiled as he read their texts on his personal mobile phone. After learning that Capsicle resided in New York as well, Bucky had hoped they would meet one day. However, before their relationship could progress, Bucky met Steve and things began to get complicated.

 

***

** Steve **

 

Bucky had been a copywriter with _Marvel Communications_  since graduation. _Marvel_ was expanding aggressively, so Bucky, Natasha and Sam were hired together straight out of college. With their complementary strengths, they were placed on the same team, which Natasha led as their creative director.

 

Before leaving the company, Brock had been their graphic designer. The team ostracised Brock after their breakup, so he eventually left _Marvel_ for _DC Communications_ , a rival firm, whose headquarters were just across the street.

 

Their team had been without a graphic designer for more than a year, so work was outsourced to freelancers. After being awarded the _Starkphone_ campaign, Stark Industries CEO Tony Stark informed them he had handpicked his friend, Steve Rogers, a freelance designer, to be a part of their team.

 

Steve caused quite the stir with his first appearance at the office and employees clamoured to catch a glimpse of the new designer with movie-star looks. Bucky struggled to keep his face impassive as Steve went around the room introducing himself. But when Steve fixed his blue eyes on Bucky’s and flashed him his perfect smile, Bucky was gone.

 

“Hi, I’m Steve.”

 

“Steve.”

 

“That’s my name.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What’s yours?”

 

“Oh. James.”

 

“You’re our copywriter?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You must be great with words.”

 

“Yes. No. Oh wait yes. I mean no.”

 

“I look forward to working with you, James,” Steve concluded, smiling again.

 

Bucky just nodded, selecting the relatively safe option of keeping his mouth shut.

 

“James?”

 

“Steve?”

 

“Can you let go of my hand, please?”

 

“Oh God! Shit! I’m so sorry!” Bucky exclaimed, dropping Steve’s hand like it was burning coal.

 

“Language!” Steve teased.

 

Steve Rogers. His new co-worker.

 

Fuck! He was so dead.

 

Over the next couple of weeks, Bucky got to know Steve quite, quite well. He saved his phone number on his work phone, not that they ever needed to call or text, since they met almost every day.

 

Steve took an interest in the packed lunches (leftovers from Mrs Barnes’ dinners) that Bucky brought to work. Bucky reluctantly shared his lunch one day when he noticed the blond staring with unconcealed desire. Steve offered Bucky some of his kale salad in return, but Bucky firmly refused, honouring his New Year’s resolution of “avoiding salads and other disgusting things”.

 

Steve and Bucky bonded over their love for breakfast foods. Steve’s favourites were egg white omelettes, avocado wholewheat toast and quinoa pancakes in no particular order while Bucky’s favourites were waffles, French toast and non-quinoa pancakes in that specific order. Unfortunately, Bucky’s habit of rising late meant he usually had to make do with coffee from the pantry and crackers he regularly pilfered from Nat and Sam.

 

Bucky was touched to find waffles (with extra cream and syrup) and a tall cup of iced oat milk latte on his desk the next morning and every morning after that. Steve disapproved of skipping breakfast, which he informed Bucky was “the most important meal of the day” and made it his responsibility to ensure Bucky began each day with “the necessary nourishment for a good life."

 

Each morning, Bucky would find artisanal coffees and his favourite foods in reusable containers because Steve cared deeply about "reducing their strain on Earth's resources". In return, Bucky would bring an extra serving of Mrs Barnes’ cooking for Steve’s lunch.

 

Bucky learned that Steve had graduated six years ago from the very prestigious art programme at _Rhode Island School of Design_ , which made them the same age. He'd worked at _BBDO Worldwide_ (the pinnacle of the advertising world), and been behind the widely-acclaimed campaigns for _Twix, Dunkin’ Donuts and Mountain Dew_. He had turned down a promotion to take a gap year (which ended up being three), so he could build homes for the impoverished in Europe, Africa and Asia. He was planning to spend time in Australia but was persuaded by his friend (Tony Stark) to return to New York to work on the campaign.

 

In return, Bucky shared comparatively little about his personal life and hobbies. What could he say about his interests, when it was dominated by writing fanfiction, a hobby someone like Steve would surely not understand and appreciate? He did, however, mention that he did some writing, which Steve wanted to read, but Bucky deftly changed the subject and was thankful Steve never brought it up again.

 

Bucky also spent some time at Steve’s gorgeous Manhattan penthouse, where they tried to work together over the weekend.

 

Bucky was surprised with a homecooked lunch of braised lamb and spiced vegetables on quinoa and he marvelled at how some spices and a great technique could make his least favourite foods moderately palatable (delicious).

 

They worked in Steve’s study where Bucky experienced his worst case of writer’s block in years.

 

“Why did I ever want to be a writer? I should have been an artist. But I can't draw," he complained. 

 

“James, you can’t make art because you are art,” Steve informed him. “But seriously, your work is important. Believe me when I say that words are food for the soul.”

 

Bucky was too exhausted to make the trip back to Brooklyn, so Steve asked him to stay the night and he was taken to Steve’s bedroom, in the middle of which was one king bed.

 

“Steve, you have one bed,” Bucky pointed out, adorably confused.

 

“Yeah, I don’t sleep much,” Steve explained, scratching his head. “I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.”

 

“It looks big. We can sleep on it together?”

 

“Yeah, we can.”

 

And because Steve was the most amazing person in the world, Bucky woke up the next morning to freshly-grilled waffles, which Steve plated with fresh fruit, lots of cream and the finesse of a fine pastry chef.

 

Having done enough work for the weekend, they decided to watch the _Star Wars_ films. After being away for three years, Steve had a lot of pop culture to catch up on and put together a list of things he had to check out. _Star Wars_ was an item on the list so Bucky volunteered as tribute to watch the films with Steve.

 

Steve often invited Bucky to follow him on his workout routine, which included running the full 6-mile loop around Central Park followed by a visit to the gym for weight training and mixed martial arts. While Bucky was by no means overweight or unfit, he found it quite unnecessary to spend his precious weekend working out.

 

“You're obsessed with your health. Why?” Bucky asked, curious.

 

“Growing up, I had a thousand different ailments. I was small, struggled with asthma. When I was eighteen, I underwent an experimental treatment, which helped with all of that. But I never take my good health for granted. I take care of my body above all else. Diet, exercise, positive thinking. My body is finely tuned, like a microchip. I work hard to keep it that way.”

 

“My God, you are a chip,” Bucky agreed, holding out a Dorito in front of Steve’s perfect physique.

 

Some days, Bucky followed Steve to the park, where he did some running but drew the line at weight training and martial arts, content to watch Steve flex his muscles while he read and replied to comments.

 

After a month’s worth of sleepovers, during which they finished watching all the released _Star Wars_ films, Steve thought it was (finally) time to ask Bucky out (very awkwardly) on a real date.

 

Bucky was in the middle of proofreading his draft for the television commercial when he noticed Steve staring.

 

“What?” Bucky asked.

 

“What what?” Steve responded.

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“So, my friend is organising a fundraiser for next Friday evening. It’s for the local dog shelter.”

 

“Sounds nice.”

 

“Yeah. Just thought you might want to know.”

 

“I might want to know?” Bucky repeated, confused.

 

“I mean, go. Do you want to go?”

 

“By myself?”

 

“I could also go… at the same time. And maybe we could leave… at the same time too…”

 

“That sounds like…”

 

“A meeting, an appointment…”

 

“A date.” Bucky finished.

 

“A date. It could be a date. Do you want it to be a date?”

 

Bucky nodded, and Steve grinned.

 

"It's a date."

 

“See you, Stevie.”

 

“See you, Jamie.”

 

It was only when Steve asked Bucky if he had a tuxedo that Bucky realised Steve had left out a few details. Nothing major. Just that the fundraiser was a black-tie dinner at the fanciest hotel in town. And that Steve's 'friend' was Tony Stark. What made him think it was an outdoor event at a park where they could maybe show up in tees and shorts? Thankfully, Sam knew a guy (he always seemed to know one) who assembled a kickass suit in less than a week. Bucky had to say he liked how he looked in it. Maybe all that running with Steve was paying off.

 

Bucky and Steve were seated with Steve's friends, Peggy, Rhodey and Bruce, who were a surprisingly down-to-earth bunch, even though they were very successful and important people. Guests were invited to interact with the dogs that the shelter was offering for adoption. Bucky watched in amusement as Steve flitted from dog to dog, talking to them in loud theatrical voices and letting them lick and rub their fur all over his $5000 tuxedo.

 

A mixed-breed boxer caught Steve’s eye and stole his heart when he scurried over and sat on his lap. Despite the attempts from the shelter staff to remove him, the pup would not budge (not that Steve minded). There was no surprise when bidding started, and Steve put up a bid of $10,000 for the boxer puppy. Thankfully, nobody offered a higher bid and Steve found himself the proud owner of a feisty pup he named Dodger.  

 

The event was a phenomenal success, with all the dogs finding loving homes. The shelter also managed to raise close to $200,000 that evening, thanks to the generous donations of wealthy patrons like Steve and friends. Despite the enjoyable evening, Bucky could not help but feel somewhat disconcerted.

 

So, Steve was wealthy. Bucky had figured out that much, having seen his apartment and having heard about his travels. Steve was also well-connected, and counted billionaires, military leaders, high-ranking government officials and world-renowned scientists among his friends. Steve loved dogs. He really, really loved dogs. He also enjoyed making decisions on impulse.

 

Bucky wondered where he fit in in all this? Steve was someone he never should have crossed paths with. Was he like Dodger, a pitiful creature that Steve was adopting on a whim?

 

***

 

It was after the _Stark Foundation Animal Rescue Gala_ that Bucky began to seriously evaluate his relationship with Steve, which led to him calling an emergency meeting over the weekend with his best friends.

 

Just as he expected, Nat and Sam were Team Steve, since they knew him personally. They thought the world of him and said he was a dramatic improvement over Brock, not that it meant much.

 

“I don’t understand why you’re not crazy about Steve,” Sam began, attempting to analyse the problem. “Guy’s perfect.”

 

“That is the problem. He’s too perfect. I don’t trust a guy without a dark side.”

 

“Maybe you just haven’t seen it yet.”

 

“Believe me. I’ve been looking. Once, I was so thrilled because I thought he farted, but later, I realised it was just me.”

 

“So, on one hand, we have Steve Rogers - hunk, genius, animal lover. Buys you waffles and overpriced coffee. 100% wholesome all-American boy.”

 

“And on the other hand, we have Capsicle – twink, smart-ass, fanboy. Reads your stories and sends you fanart. Possibly a pervert or a serial killer.”

 

Bucky groaned.

 

“I am 100% certain I am 0% sure of what to do.”

 

But Bucky did eventually make up his mind. Capsicle. It was always going to be Cap. Fanfiction was such a big part of his life. How could he have a meaningful relationship with someone who did not share this interest? More importantly, how was he supposed to break Steve's heart when it was made of gold?

 

***

 

Bucky was on a man on a mission. Find Steve, talk to Steve and leave Steve. Technically, it wasn’t a breakup because they weren’t together, although they had made out and gone on one date. Steve deserved to be let down easily and it was just about the hardest thing Bucky had to do.

 

The first time Bucky tried to break up with Steve, the words, which were already on the tip of his tongue, evaporated at the sight of a mini cupcake tray. Bucky detested mini cupcakes (the mini versions of the mini versions of cake), but Steve had baked the red velvet treats himself and embellished them with swirly letters of Bucky’s given name. So, he threw his arms around Steve’s neck and embraced him. Quite the opposite of breaking up.

 

The second time Bucky tried to break up with Steve, Steve shyly presented Bucky with a painting based on the photograph they’d taken together at the _Stark Foundation Animal Rescue Gala_. Bucky had to admit they looked good together- Steve in his white shirt and navy suit and Bucky in his silver shirt and black suit. Steve had insisted they wear matching red bow-ties since it was their first date. So, he thanked Steve with a soft kiss to his cheek.

 

The third time Bucky tried to break up with Steve, Steve gave him a copy of _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_ , a cherished childhood favourite. He thought he would never see it again when it mistakenly ended up in a bag for the Goodwill store. Steve had somehow tracked down Bucky's very own copy with Mrs Barnes’ note on its dedication page. So, Bucky burst into tears and resigned himself to the fact that he would never be able to leave.

 

The fourth time Bucky tried to break up with Steve, he didn’t have to. They were having ice cream at Central Park, after walking Dodger, when Steve looked at him sadly and said.

 

“James, I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I like you so much. Being with you makes me incredibly happy.”

 

“Yeah, about that…”

 

“But this isn’t right. And it isn’t fair. So, let’s just, you know,” he trailed off before running away with Dodger.

 

It took Bucky close to five minutes of stunned silence before he realised Steve was breaking up with him. It was exactly what he had been trying to do all week. So why did his heart feel heavy and his chest feel tight?

 

The following Monday, Bucky’s desk was empty, bereft of the iced coffee and sweet pastries he had grown accustomed to receiving. Steve left the office during lunch, so they barely saw each other. They only interacted on work issues and neither of them brought up their relationship or whatever it had been.

 

Bucky moved on. He did.

 

He might have gone to the places they had been. He might have eaten at the places they had dined. He might even have ordered kale and quinoa, but Steve wasn't on his mind. He could have stolen a glance when he wasn't looking, eyes lingering when he walked out the door. He could have kept their picture, but he didn't like Steve any more.

 

All by his lonesome, Bucky passed the time with bouts of writing. Inundated with emotions, Bucky was struck by a wave of creativity, which allowed him to pen and post a long and happy chapter for Nomad and the White Wolf. Those guys needed to be happy even if he was hurting inside.

 

Later, Bucky learnt that his latest chapter had also brought some cheer to someone else.

 

 **Capsicle:** _Hi Bucky. Just read your update. I’ve had such a rough week and your story made me smile. Thank you for making them happy. It was exactly what I needed to read._

 

 **Bucky:** _Hi Cap. It’s been a while. What happened to you?_

 

 **Capsicle:** _Sorry I disappeared for a bit. I was getting to know someone. But we've ended things now._

 

 **Bucky:** _Oh no. How come?_

 

 **Capsicle:** _Something was missing. I don’t know how to explain it. Still, I miss him like crazy. I think about him all the time. But I know it would never have worked out. At least, not the way it was going._

 

 **Bucky:** _I’m sorry to hear that and I hope you feel better soon. I know how much it sucks because I'm going through the same thing._

 

 **Capsicle:** _What happened?_

 

 **Bucky:** _I was seeing someone too. He’s kind of perfect, checks all the boxes, you know? But something wasn't right about the relationship and I never found out what it was._

 

Commiserating in their shared misery, the two broken souls began to text more and more frequently. What began as friendly chatting soon progressed to full-on flirting. And one day, Capsicle made a confession.

 

 **Capsicle:** _Remember when I told you why I ended things with the guy I was seeing?_

 

 **Bucky:** _Yeah? You said something was missing from that relationship?_

 

 **Capsicle:** _I’ve never felt that way with you._

 

 **Bucky:** _Yeah? Same here. :)_

 

 **Capsicle:** _Do you think it would be different for us?_

 

 **Bucky:** _Maybe. It’s hard to tell._

 

 **Capsicle:** _Do you want to meet and see if this online connection is equally strong in real life?_

 

 **Bucky:** _Sounds good. Where?_

 

 **Capsicle:** _You’re in Brooklyn, aren’t you? Want to meet at Prospect Park? You know that wobbly bench right in front of the Captain America statue?_

 

 **Bucky:** _I’m not sure. Is that the one with only a right armrest and some French words on the back slats?_

 

 **Capsicle:** _On Va Voir. It means ‘"we will see”._

 

 **Bucky:** _Yes, I know that bench. See you, Cap._

 

 **Capsicle:** _See you, Bucky. :)_

****

***

 

Bucky made himself comfortable on his favourite bench in Prospect Park and probably all of New York. It was where he always went to whenever he needed to be alone. He'd never mentioned it to anyone, and it surprised him that Capsicle had suggested that very spot for a meeting. Was Capsicle a frequent visitor to the park too? Could they have previously crossed paths?

 

Bucky was more than an hour early for their rendezvous. He didn't want to look too eager, but also did not want to be late or have someone else occupy their bench. Bucky downloaded a few stories by his favourite writers and was in the middle of a gripping pirate AU when he found himself squinting at the words on his phone.

 

Someone was standing right in front of him, blocking the sun, Bucky looked up slowly to find himself looking into a pair of familiar blue eyes.

 

“Steve? What are you doing here?”

 

“Just walking Dodger,” Steve panted, tilting his head in the dog’s direction.

 

Dodger hopped onto Bucky’s lap, nuzzling his hand affectionately and Steve sat down beside Bucky, who glanced at his watch. Thirty minutes before Capsicle was due to arrive.

 

With the passage of time, the hurt and awkwardness surrounding both men had diminished and they soon fell into easy conversation.

 

“I’m sorry that things didn’t work out,” Steve began.

 

“Yeah? Me too. What exactly happened?” Bucky asked, rubbing Dodger’s stomach.

 

“The truth? There is someone else.”

 

Of course. Steve had no lack of options and Bucky was probably way down that list.

 

“I really like you, James. And hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do. But I got to know both of you around the same time and I had to make a choice either way.”

 

Of course. Bucky was never going to be anyone’s first pick.

 

“You have no idea how hard it was. I was, and maybe still am, completely smitten with you. But the other guy, we connect on an intellectual and emotional level. And I felt that was more important for a long-term relationship. Do you know what I mean?”

 

Of course. Bucky did.

 

“Yeah, Steve. I know. Don’t worry about it. I don't know why you were ever interested. You’re a grown up. You’ve got your shit together. My life is a series of awkward moments separated by snacks. We would never have worked out. Can I say for the record that I really hate running?”

 

“Running is amazing.”

 

“Running is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?”

 

Steve laughed.

 

“Then can I say you have terrible taste in movies? I can't believe I watched all the Star Wars films. I don’t even like Star Wars!”

 

“That’s insane! You love Star Wars! You’ve seen all ten films!”

 

“Look, James, I know things didn't work out, but I hope we can be friends some day.”

 

“I’d like tha-“ Bucky did not get to finish, as Steve had taken off after Dodger, who was running after someone’s wayward frisbee.

 

Steve left behind a bunch of papers on the vacated seat, and Bucky picked them up when they began rustling in the breeze. Absent-mindedly, he thumbed through Steve’s art, curious about his work, when one of them caught his eye.

 

_Nomad and The White Wolf. Watching the sunset. Wakandan shields in the background._

 

Bucky felt his world slow to a stop as he connected the dots. Steve was an artist. Capsicle was an artist too. Steve made him braised lamb on vegetable pilaf. Bucky had sent Capsicle that recipe. Steve stopped talking to him. Right around when Capsicle started talking to him again.

 

It took him a while to notice Steve had returned and taken the pictures from his trembling hands.

 

“Hey, pal, you all right there?”

 

“Steve, are you meeting someone?”

 

“Yes,” Steve answered hesitantly, guilt written on his face. “Bucky.”

 

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

 

“Bucky’s the guy I was telling you about. He’s a writer, like you. He writes the most incredible stories. I think he might even be my soulmate.”

 

“You really like him, huh?”

 

“I do. I've got to know him pretty well even though we’ve never met. You have no idea how hard it was getting to know both of you at the same time. I like you, but I think I may be in love with him.”

 

“Steve, I am Bucky.”

 

Steve stared.

 

“What do you mean? You’re James.”

 

“James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky is short for my middle name.”

 

Steve continued staring.

 

“Oh God. I broke up with you so I could be with you. Oh Bucky, can I call you that? I'm just so happy it’s you.”

 

“Despite the fact that I am pretty much a human disaster who eats too much, swears too often and has the weirdest hobbies?”

 

“No, I love you and I like you, just as you are. I've never been in a relationship. I’ve never had anyone. In the last three years, I’ve travelled around the world. I’ve stayed in farming communities, the mountains, college towns. And now I realise, all this time wandering around, I was looking for someone. The right partner. I was looking for you.”

 

"And I've been right here. Waiting for you to come home."

 

***

 

Bucky lay on the sheets, completely blissed out. For someone whose only experience was kissing a co-worker at a breakfast diner, Steve was incredible in bed.

 

“I don't believe you’ve never done this. You're the stuff of all my fantasies,” Bucky sighed.

 

“I did have some guidance, you know? Internet, so helpful.”

 

“Woah! Lemme guess. _Winter is Cumming_?”

 

“ _Winter is Cumming_ ,” Steve confirmed.

 

“Then I guess we better stay home, specifically in your bed.”

 

“Honestly? I can do this all day," Steve agreed.

 

“Now that I’m finally done with my story, I’m going to take it easy for a while, you know? Spend quality time with my amazing new boyfriend.”

 

“Your work is a gift to mankind. _Leaving the Shield Behind_ is the greatest piece of writing I’ve ever read. Not to be dramatic or anything, but it's literally changed my life.”

 

“It’s changed mine too. And in the story that is my life, meeting you and falling in love will always be my favourite chapter.”

 

“I love you and I like you, Bucky.”

 

“I love you and I like you, Steve.”

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> ❤️ Thank you for reading! ❤️


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